Boo hoo.....

Well, I had every intention of making good food choices and being able to refrain from binging but that all went out the window today.  I did really well yesterday but my mind started into it's crack head food spiral today and all I could think about was the pies and leftover food left in the fridge.  I tried to occupy my mind but I was obsessing over it.  My thoughts kept coming back to the sweets and the foods that were in my kitchen taunting me.  I started arguing with myself in my mind, the addict in me began convincing me that I have the right to indulge during the Holidays and that I was being ridiculous about avoiding those foods, etc.  I guess that's were they get the saying, "I'm my own worst enemy".  I am so full right now and I feel horrible about it, both physically and mentally.  Sorry that this entry is a poor me post but I have to share it all, the good, the bad, and the fat  ugly.  I know that I will live to see another day (as long as the world doesn't end or something) and that I have tomorrow to start over fresh and pick up where I left off to make good decisions but right now I am so mad at myself, I blame the addict in me for talking me into that food frenzy that became a lunch/snack/dinner/snack  all day eatfest and now has me miserable on the couch.  OK, I guess I have felt sorry for myself enough, I need to move on.  I know I can do this!  Today was a speed bump but it didn't stop my progress so I will press forward.  I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving!  Bye!

This is me in a giant campchair at Sams Club last year around Thanksgiving.  60 lbs heavier, hope I didn't gaint it back today!

Check me out

I'm exhausted.  What a day!  It started out with sleeping in this morning and missing church, oops!  Then I get a phone call around 10 asking me if I would sing the National Anthem at a benefit Roller Derby.  What the? Ok, let me explain.  Recently, different areas around here (including Colorado) have put together woman's Roller Derby teams and they were having a Roller Derby of all the teams today to benefit the Echo Food Bank.  With that being said, I agreed to sing and realized that I had to be there in a hour and a half at that point.  YIKES!!  As I arrived I realized that a lot more people were at this thing than I thought there would be.  It ended up having a really laid back feel and I did great!  Everybody whooped and hollard and I felt like a celebrity for a minute, but then Derby was so fun to watch!  Those ladies kicked butt!  After that we went to the gym and I sweat my A%$ off!  Well, not really.....my butt is still huge but that's ok by me.  I did Zumba for an hour and then circuit weights for a half hour.  I am really wanting to kick off loosing the rest of my weight so I know I have got to commit in the gym.  Whew!  My short term goal is to look like I did before I got pregnant with my daugher (she's 10) so I've got some serious reversing to do!



Me.....10 years ago. 



I saw what you were eating under there.........

Ha ha ha, the title is an inside joke.  I'm trying to decide if I should explain it or not because it's halarious to me and I'm pretty sure you (as the reader) will think that it's dumb........hmmmmmmmm.....OK, well dumb is how I roll so here it goes.  Since I was young I liked to tell people, " I saw what you were eating under there".  Then they would say, " Under where?"  And then the punchline, I would say, "Ewwwww, you were eating underwear??!!"  Yeah, like I said....dumb, but I have continued to do that silly joke throughout the years to family and friends so now it's my random trademark I guess.  It's funny how even though it's a joke it kind of applies to my daily struggle with food.  When I am eating something I know is going to send me in reverse from my goal I feel like I am hiding under a table, hiding from everyone with my bag of chips or leftover cake from Destiny's birthday.  Hold on to your britches because I'm about to go even deeper!  What I've realized is I'm kind of just hiding from myself under that metophorical table, am I crazy?  Um, Yeah!  For some reason when I scarf down 1 little cupcake...ok 3 cupcakes leftover from Destiny's class party in the dark, outside, in the truck, I feel like I've avoided being "caught" so it's ok... what the???  Yeah, like I said, crazy!  So I guess the point to this ramble is that I wish I would tell myself more often, "I saw what you were eating under there!"  I have to be able to figure out how to do that in my times of weakness to overcome my bindge eating addiction.  Yeah, I have lost some weight, and yeah I'm in better shape but I still have a long way to go in overcoming the mental battle that I believe has caused most of thes fatness in the 1st place.  So I say to you my friend... "I saw what you were eating under there!"  

Michael, after he was caught hiding udner the table eating cookes

Uh oh...

So obviously I haven't posted in awhile.  I have been busy with my new job and I"m still trying to figure all of this blogger stuff out.  I went to the NM state board meeting for Habitat for Humanity and it was awesome.  I'm pretty new to my job and to be honest I still had a LOT of question marks but meeting with other people that do my job in the state and hearing what they do, etc was such a relief!  Everyone was really nice and I found out that there is a lot of support and tools available to me.  I am pretty excited about the possibilites for our Habitat.  Speaking of the meeting, even though it turned out really well I was sick to my stomach the whole time!  My 2 year old, Michael had a tummy bug last Tuesday but he was perfectly fine the next day so I thought maybe it was just a fluke.  Yeah right!  Destiny (my daughter) stayed with my parents this weekend because I had my hubby go with me out of town along with Michael.  Anyway, we drive almost 8 hours to get to the meeting and my parents call me telling me that Destiny is sick and has been throwing up (I know it's TMI, sorry).  Great!  Of course I get to the bottom of New Mexico, 8 hours away from my kid and she gets sick, sheesh!  Meanwhile, they did a training Friday night, and then the meeting was all day Saturday.  I was sick to my stomach the whole time!  I was praying the whole time, " God please don't let me puke in front of these people"!  I didn't, I was saved from the humiliation!  The upside is that I didn't eat too much, I guess I didn't eat a whole lot at all because I was so worried about what might happen.  We got home safely and yesterday my baby girl turned 10, what a sad and happy day.  I can't believe my baby is 10!!! 

So I should probably introduce myself

Hello there, I have been "fluffy" all of my life, well from about 5 on anyway. I am happily married and blessed with 2 beautiful children. My husband and I are on this journey together and facing our 30's we're starting to realize that maybe we don't have forever to change things. Our 9 yr old daughter is starting to pick up our bad habits and we know we have to change ours so that she has healthy habits to pick up instead. Our son is 2 yrs old and we want to be around for them both. I want to be the best wife and mother I can be and now I know that being healthy and giving my kids a chance at a healthy life is the best way to do that!   My hubby has recently gotten " on the wagon" and he is doing awesome!  I also recently got a semi-part time job, it's only 12 hours a week but it definately takes more juggling.  I've been a stay at home mom and it brought up a lot of anxiety dealing with finding a babysitter and giving my lil guy over to someone even for a few hours a day but it's working out.  Take care!

PS- I'm still trying to figure this whole blogger thing out so please be patient with me : )

Here we go...

Well here we go...

  I have decided to start a blog to help me in my weightloss/lifechange journey.  I have lost about 60 lbs since Christams of last year with the help of Sparkpeople but I have been stuck for months now and I now it's not a "platuea".  It's because something in my crazy brain is resisting.  I was on a roll and really making great changes and learning a lot about nutrition and exercise....then...bam!  What the??  What is with my brain that likes to sabotage my body?  I have been inspired to keep going by following a blog of a "sparkfriend" that I met on Sparkpeople.  On Sparkpeople she's  known as slimkatie but her blog can be found at runsforcookies.com   With that being said I feel kind of sappy like when on Biggest Loser they pull contestants out of the gym to have a heart to heart about what is "really wrong".  I feel like I'm at that point right now.  I know that I have to exercise and make better food choices, that has become a no brainer but I guess now it's time to tackle the real issues, whatever they are because I have been my own worst enemy.  Ok well that's a good start.  I promise future posts won't be so lame but I had to start somewhere.  : )