Boo hoo.....

Well, I had every intention of making good food choices and being able to refrain from binging but that all went out the window today.  I did really well yesterday but my mind started into it's crack head food spiral today and all I could think about was the pies and leftover food left in the fridge.  I tried to occupy my mind but I was obsessing over it.  My thoughts kept coming back to the sweets and the foods that were in my kitchen taunting me.  I started arguing with myself in my mind, the addict in me began convincing me that I have the right to indulge during the Holidays and that I was being ridiculous about avoiding those foods, etc.  I guess that's were they get the saying, "I'm my own worst enemy".  I am so full right now and I feel horrible about it, both physically and mentally.  Sorry that this entry is a poor me post but I have to share it all, the good, the bad, and the fat  ugly.  I know that I will live to see another day (as long as the world doesn't end or something) and that I have tomorrow to start over fresh and pick up where I left off to make good decisions but right now I am so mad at myself, I blame the addict in me for talking me into that food frenzy that became a lunch/snack/dinner/snack  all day eatfest and now has me miserable on the couch.  OK, I guess I have felt sorry for myself enough, I need to move on.  I know I can do this!  Today was a speed bump but it didn't stop my progress so I will press forward.  I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving!  Bye!

This is me in a giant campchair at Sams Club last year around Thanksgiving.  60 lbs heavier, hope I didn't gaint it back today!

Check me out

I'm exhausted.  What a day!  It started out with sleeping in this morning and missing church, oops!  Then I get a phone call around 10 asking me if I would sing the National Anthem at a benefit Roller Derby.  What the? Ok, let me explain.  Recently, different areas around here (including Colorado) have put together woman's Roller Derby teams and they were having a Roller Derby of all the teams today to benefit the Echo Food Bank.  With that being said, I agreed to sing and realized that I had to be there in a hour and a half at that point.  YIKES!!  As I arrived I realized that a lot more people were at this thing than I thought there would be.  It ended up having a really laid back feel and I did great!  Everybody whooped and hollard and I felt like a celebrity for a minute, but then Derby was so fun to watch!  Those ladies kicked butt!  After that we went to the gym and I sweat my A%$ off!  Well, not really.....my butt is still huge but that's ok by me.  I did Zumba for an hour and then circuit weights for a half hour.  I am really wanting to kick off loosing the rest of my weight so I know I have got to commit in the gym.  Whew!  My short term goal is to look like I did before I got pregnant with my daugher (she's 10) so I've got some serious reversing to do!



Me.....10 years ago. 



I saw what you were eating under there.........

Ha ha ha, the title is an inside joke.  I'm trying to decide if I should explain it or not because it's halarious to me and I'm pretty sure you (as the reader) will think that it's dumb........hmmmmmmmm.....OK, well dumb is how I roll so here it goes.  Since I was young I liked to tell people, " I saw what you were eating under there".  Then they would say, " Under where?"  And then the punchline, I would say, "Ewwwww, you were eating underwear??!!"  Yeah, like I said....dumb, but I have continued to do that silly joke throughout the years to family and friends so now it's my random trademark I guess.  It's funny how even though it's a joke it kind of applies to my daily struggle with food.  When I am eating something I know is going to send me in reverse from my goal I feel like I am hiding under a table, hiding from everyone with my bag of chips or leftover cake from Destiny's birthday.  Hold on to your britches because I'm about to go even deeper!  What I've realized is I'm kind of just hiding from myself under that metophorical table, am I crazy?  Um, Yeah!  For some reason when I scarf down 1 little cupcake...ok 3 cupcakes leftover from Destiny's class party in the dark, outside, in the truck, I feel like I've avoided being "caught" so it's ok... what the???  Yeah, like I said, crazy!  So I guess the point to this ramble is that I wish I would tell myself more often, "I saw what you were eating under there!"  I have to be able to figure out how to do that in my times of weakness to overcome my bindge eating addiction.  Yeah, I have lost some weight, and yeah I'm in better shape but I still have a long way to go in overcoming the mental battle that I believe has caused most of thes fatness in the 1st place.  So I say to you my friend... "I saw what you were eating under there!"  

Michael, after he was caught hiding udner the table eating cookes

Uh oh...

So obviously I haven't posted in awhile.  I have been busy with my new job and I"m still trying to figure all of this blogger stuff out.  I went to the NM state board meeting for Habitat for Humanity and it was awesome.  I'm pretty new to my job and to be honest I still had a LOT of question marks but meeting with other people that do my job in the state and hearing what they do, etc was such a relief!  Everyone was really nice and I found out that there is a lot of support and tools available to me.  I am pretty excited about the possibilites for our Habitat.  Speaking of the meeting, even though it turned out really well I was sick to my stomach the whole time!  My 2 year old, Michael had a tummy bug last Tuesday but he was perfectly fine the next day so I thought maybe it was just a fluke.  Yeah right!  Destiny (my daughter) stayed with my parents this weekend because I had my hubby go with me out of town along with Michael.  Anyway, we drive almost 8 hours to get to the meeting and my parents call me telling me that Destiny is sick and has been throwing up (I know it's TMI, sorry).  Great!  Of course I get to the bottom of New Mexico, 8 hours away from my kid and she gets sick, sheesh!  Meanwhile, they did a training Friday night, and then the meeting was all day Saturday.  I was sick to my stomach the whole time!  I was praying the whole time, " God please don't let me puke in front of these people"!  I didn't, I was saved from the humiliation!  The upside is that I didn't eat too much, I guess I didn't eat a whole lot at all because I was so worried about what might happen.  We got home safely and yesterday my baby girl turned 10, what a sad and happy day.  I can't believe my baby is 10!!!